Nicotine Addiction

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       I have been trying to quit smoking for some time now. I have quit a thousand times. Cold turkey, the patch, the gum, and classes just to name a few methods I have tried. None have worked in the long term yet. I say yet because I refuse to believe that addiction is stronger than me. I look the addiction square in the eye. “Do you know what I have been through in my life? I am stronger than you!” If only breaking an addiction was as simple as just having will power. I know I must quit or accept that my life-span will be cut short. I find that unacceptable, so I battle on against my personal demon.
     I have named him Nikodemis. He’s a sneaky little devil that works in the back ground. He’s the reason I find myself half way through the first cigarette of the day an hour before I meant to. I am trying a reduction method now that seems to be moving along nicely after a few setbacks. Nikodemis is throwing a kicking screaming hissy fit when I text a friend and avoid that oh so tempting cigarette after supper because according to my reduction plan I have an hour and a half before the next smoke. Late at night after the last cigarette has been extinguished he bargains with me. One more won’t hurt anything, you can skip one tomorrow, or the no one will know if you have just one more. It will help you relax. Logic is a weak weapon against a demon that knows you so well. Nicotine is a stimulant. It affects the pleasure centers of the brain. It may feel relaxing but it is not, otherwise your heart rate and blood pressure wouldn’t rise when you smoke and decrease when you don’t. Evil little lying smoke bug demon. When my small support system is busy and doesn’t have time to ‘talk me down’ is the worst. That is when Nikodemis amps up the psychological warfare.
      I originally started smoking to fight hunger pangs. I wasn’t dieting, just busy. Stupid reason to start smoking, I know. But is there a good reason? It became a self-medicating technique and that is why it is so difficult to quit. My brain tells my body that it wants it, maybe even needs it. Another lie, But it feels so true when you are sitting alone and the pack seems to be everywhere you look. I stuffed it under my pillow so I couldn’t see it. Wait five minutes for the craving to pass, curse Nikodemis profusely. Whatever works until the craving fades, until the next one hits. I have a plan, I’m sticking to it.